u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
