I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
