You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
