I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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