i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
