Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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