another moral hangover. fuck.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
