Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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