Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
