kristin has been a bad kristin
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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