i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
