I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Text me some of your sweat
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
