hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
