Betty ford says i'm here all night
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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