only if we run a train.
done.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just blew my weed a kiss
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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