I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
