dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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