I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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