Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize