So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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