Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
