stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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