1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
