3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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