He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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