Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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