I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize