Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
