I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize