i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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