Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
