Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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