guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
