Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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