Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Nicole vs. Life
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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