well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
