at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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