it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
