worst night to have a conscience
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
