Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Are my feet made of real feet?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
