All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
