dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize