so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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