Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize