My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
