I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
