I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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