Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
