I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Randomize
