i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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