I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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