I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Quick, to the slutcave!
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
