when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
