Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Pappa wants mamma naked
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
