haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
