D3 body, D1 cock
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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