i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
