a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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