But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
