How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
It's blow job season.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
