fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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