he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
