I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize