it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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