I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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