i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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