the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
