I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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