I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i came on her dog
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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