As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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