the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You took a bar mat shot.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
