We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
