Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
