Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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