my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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