Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
