This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
