dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
