you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
