Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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