Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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