i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
