I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
