he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
