is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
