Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
