mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Randomize
