There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I need help removing her.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize