goodnight i made you a song goodbye
false alarm. still invincible.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
