One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
