she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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