Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
