I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
