My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
