Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We talked him into tasing himself.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
