Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
