on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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