I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize