so that wasnt chicken after all
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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