if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
