Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
