what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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