Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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