if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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