You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
