And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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