That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just cropdusted the office
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize