Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
