How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
