So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
