If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
