I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
