atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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