We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
