Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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