And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
