I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
