It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think a kid would responsible me up
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
