I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
